Why Aliens Don't Date

“You cheated on me?!” I screeched.
He looked at me sulkily. “Well, um…”
“You cheated on me,” I repeated.
He sighed. “Yeah.”
“You cheated on me!” I said again.
“Yes, I think that’s been established,” he commented.
“Well, you can understand why I’d be a little upset!” I said.
He cleared his throat. “Actually, don’t’ think I can. I don’t think I’m exactly monogamous.”
I stared at him, incredulous. “I don’t care if you’re a Martian! You made a promise to me, and you broke it! Any person would have a problem with that.”
“I’m not sure a Martian qualifies as a person,” he said.
“Who the hell are you to judge that?!” I yelled, and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door violently.

“That was by far the weirdest break-up I have ever had,” I told my friend James the next day.
“Why?” he asked.
I chuckled through my tears. “We argued about the status of Martians.”
“The status?” James said, a bit confused.
“You know, whether they’re people or not.”
“So he cheated on you with a Martian?” James asked, smirking.
“What? Why on Earth would you say that?”
“Well, I dunno,” James pondered, “maybe if he didn’t see Martians as people, he didn’t think he was technically cheating on you.”
I laughed. “I swear, James, sometimes you can be so bizarre.”